Relationships can be hard work. Many people will say they “should be effortless” and that you “shouldn’t have to try”, however I feel like this is only half the story.
No, your relationship shouldn’t be a struggle all the time. No, you shouldn’t have to push and push to make it work, to hold it together. But you absolutely should try, and you should work at it. Because a relationship is like anything else that grows; it needs care, tending to, and nurturing.
This is especially hard, though, when you’re both super busy people. Perhaps you work different hours. Perhaps you work several jobs between you (or are self employed!). Perhaps one or both of you are also studying part-time, or you have hobbies or sports that take up time. It’s ok to be busy – but that doesn’t mean you get to just let your relationship quietly tick away in the background!
When you’re both busy, there runs a risk of taking each other for granted (or feeling like you are). Being busy can also sometimes mean you’re both a bit tired and stressed, which can lead to petty arguments over things that normally wouldn’t phase either of you. So it’s incredibly important to be pro-active and care for each other – and luckily for you, there are plenty of simple ways you can do this.
Set aside date nights
This seems like the most obvious, perhaps because it is! If you both have really busy schedules, make sure you schedule in time to just be together – and stick to it! This will mean you both have something to look forward to if life is feeling a bit tough, and it means you’ll be sure to spend some quality time together.
Keep in contact – just because
It’s easy to become “too busy” to talk to your spouse unless there’s something urgent (“don’t forget to put the wheelie bin out … again!”), however with technology being so accessible in this day and age, there’s really no excuse not to send a wee message throughout the day to let your loved one know you’re thinking of them. For example, my husband often has to leave for work a couple hours before I even wake up, so he always sends a text just before my alarm goes off to wish me a good day and let me know that he loves me. It’s a wonderful way to start the morning!
Surprise each other
Whether it’s bringing home flowers and chocolates, or showing up with a packed lunch at work, little surprises are always met with delight. The knowledge that your partner has thoughtfully come up with something to spoil you with always adds a bonus lot of warm fuzzies! It doesn’t have to be anything too grand – the thought itself is the special bit.
Ramp up the physical stuff (not like that) (ok, maybe like that)
It’s been found in several studies that humans – like most other mammals – need physical touch and intimacy to thrive. That’s part of the reason why in the beginning of relationships, it’s hard to keep your hands off each other! It’s so easy though to start slacking off on this, so if you realise that you don’t actually physically touch each other as much as you used to, try to make a conscious effort to start connecting again. Snuggle in bed at night, kiss each other goodbye, greet each other with a hug. And if you want to go further, well … good on you!!
Making the effort to incorporate these really simple aspects into your relationship will go a long way to ensuring that you and your partner still feel connected, even if you hardly see each other. Trust me – it’s well worth putting the effort in!
Written by Bunny T
A mama of two who advocates for mental health awareness (yes girl!), Bunny is a badass babe blogging about womanhood, motherhood and the adventures that happen in between. You’ll usually find her exercising (running after kids), partying (drinking coffee) and rocking out (sleeping).