There’s a major misconception about erotic fiction that many people share, that is the assumption it’s purely intended to turn us on, that it’s little more than a form of pornography –the domain of men – but that’s actually nonsense. When erotic fiction is well written, and actually takes sex seriously, it can be much, much more than a kinky thrill!
Erotic fiction can be a way of learning about sex and emotions – and expanding your horizons. It’s also something that partners can share, exciting each other with sexy ideas, beautiful language and – sure – a little kinkiness here and there.
Can you use erotic readings to enliven a tiring love affair?
If your relationship has hit a rocky patch, and you’re looking for a new tactic, don’t dismiss reading erotic fiction as an outlandish idea. It might seem strange but people have been telling each other sexy stories since storytelling was invented. There’s nothing weird about it. What’s weird is that we seem to have forgotten the role that erotic fiction can play in keeping us sexually keen, and preventing the kind of bedroom ruts that can hobble even the most solid relationship.
How specialists have woken up to the power of bibliotherapy
Bibliotherapy is the word that sex specialists have given to using literature as a treatment for low sex drive. If you’re one of the approximately 30% of women who report having a low sex drive during their lives, and you take it to a medical expert, there’s a good chance that they will recommend a bit of bibliotherapy as a possible cure.
In studies of women prescribed erotic fiction as a treatment, academics have found that it really works. They suggest that it may be related to the way such fiction helps women feel more in control, both of their inner emotions, their bodies, and external factors. The same applies to relationships (perhaps even more so).
Getting to the roots of erotica’s magic
But why are erotic stories so powerful? Well, the secret lies in the way we make sense of the world.
Humans like to build narratives of who they are and where they fit into society (and relationships). If they can tell themselves a story about having a great sex drive and feeling experimental in the sack, they will be more likely to act it out.
Stories offer possibilities that people put into practice – it’s as simple as that. This applies to books which inspire people to start businesses or run for office, and it definitely applies to erotica.
Sharing erotic fiction makes it even more potent
Along with the innate power of storytelling, erotic fiction is made even more powerful by the fact that you are sharing it with someone you love.
When you read to each other you can start to roleplay fictitious situations, and discuss the rights and wrongs of what the characters get up to. It creates a space for conversations that are impossible to start out of thin air. And, let’s be honest, hearing someone you‘re really into recount sexy stories is a primal turn-on, especially when the language is well-written and believable.
Find ways to introduce sexy reading into your love life
So how can you introduce the idea of reading sexy stories into your everyday sex life? It’s not as easy as it should be, that’s for sure, but it can be done. Thanks to the internet, you can share links to experts who wax lyrical about the psychological value of erotica, but that’s not the best way to get things started. Instead, why not leave a kinky text or two next to their side of the bed?
Place a copy of some 18th century French bedroom fiction, Fifty Shades of Grey, or the Kama Sutra. It doesn’t have to be the kind of thing you end up reading to each other, but something that can start a conversation about reading to each other. Make a joke of it, open the book, and you’ll both start thinking about the possibilities, I guarantee it!
Change the narrative to ensure a happy ending
If you work some sexy literature into your sexual antics, it could work wonders. Sure, not every guy or girl responds well to literature, some people just don’t have the knack for inhabiting imagined situations and characters, so erotica can fall on deaf ears, but it often doesn’t and if it strikes a chord, you could be in business!
If nothing else, if the sexual excitement is dulling, it’s worth a shot, right?
Have you ever tried introducing erotic fiction into your relationship?
See more:
Written by Steph Graham
The girl you want by your side during any major life event, Steph is a decorating boss and a baking Queen. You’ll usually find her getting tipsy at a bottomless brunch, playing basketball and Insta-stalking the Hemsworth brothers.
Favourite 90s rap song: No Diggity by Blackstreet
Love this article and it’s so true that erotic fiction can lead to enlivening someone’s sex life and put the spirit of fun back into a relationship. The one thing I’d caution is that it’s not about imagining your love ‘is’ someone else. If you’re really wishing you were having hot sweaty sex with the guy next door while your in bed with your man – it may be time to move on or get some counseling.