8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty | Book Review

Jay Shetty has become a worldwide sensation thanks to his heartfelt take on life, love, and loss. A former monk, Shetty’s vision is to make wisdom go viral, something he is achieving by bleeding his personal experiences into storytelling. He hosts an award-winning podcast called On Purpose, has partnered with several well-known brands and is the #1 bestselling author of Think Like a Monk.

His latest book, 8 Rules of Love, blends ancient wisdom, new science, and his own experiences into a guide on how to find love, how to keep it, and how to let it go. Whether you’re fan of his or someone looking to build deeper connections, I checked it out to see if it’s worth your time.

8 Rules of Love: What’s it about


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Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love.

So we’re often thrown into the world of relationships with nothing but romance movies and pop culture to help us muddle through. Until now. Instead of presenting love as an ethereal concept or a collection of clichés, Jay Shetty lays out specific, actionable steps to help you develop the skills to practice and nurture love. He shares insightful rules such as win or lose together, how to define love, and you don’t break in a break up.

Inspired by Vedic wisdom and modern science he tackles the entire relationship cycle, from first dates to moving in together to breaking up and starting over. And he shows us how to avoid falling for false promises and unfulfilling partners.

8 Rules of Love: What did I think

Star rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Genre: non-fiction, self help, relationships and personal development

“You can seek love your whole life and never find it, or you can give love your whole life and experience joy.”

In all honesty, this isn’t my usual type of book. You’ll usually find me curled up with an epic fantasy or a cheesy romance because while there are great stories and lessons to be found in non-fiction, the genre has always been a little inaccessible to me – until now.

The 8 Rules of Love is a clear extension of everything I love about Shetty. Using eastern philosophies as a base, Shetty takes you through the beautiful, raw, and complex stages of learning to love yourself and others. It’s a book that forces reflection, creates paths for your own healing and discovery, and sets you up with tools that might be useful as you navigate what is profoundly one of our most complicated emotions.

The book is broken into four parts, each aligning with one of the four ashrams. Shetty asks us to “think about life as a series of classrooms or ashrams in which we learn various lessons.” – in this case, as we move through each ashram, we find ourselves building a deeper connection to the different levels of love.

We prepare for it, we practice it, we protect it, and we perfect it. 


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The four ashrams

Part one: Solitude (Brahmacharya): The goal here is to practice self-love in a way that is honest to you. It’s about learning to love yourself and healing any pain you may feel from past relationships.

Part two: Compatibility (Grhastha): Extending the love we have for ourselves onto others can be challenging. Here Shetty sets you up with tools to help you navigate loving someone else.

Part three: Healing (Vanaprastha): The messy one. This is all about working on forgiveness, understanding and healing to help you move towards a deeper kind of love.

Part four: Connection (Sannyasa): The full spectrum of what it means to love and be loved. This is all about extending love into all areas of your life.

“Remember your own personality, values, and goals. Don’t lose the thread of your own story.”

Final thoughts

There is no denying that the writing here is phenomenal, so if you’re someone like me who actively avoids self help books, you’ll have no trouble getting through this.

I appreciate that it never feels preachy, but instead sets out an insightful path you can either take or leave. It’s a little fluffy in parts for sure, and while some of the teachings are simple, there are definite gems to be found amongst these pages. Each section ends with a meditation that connects you back to the topic at hand, and as you make your way through the book, you’ll find yourself equipped with tools to help you build healthier relationships with yourself and those around you.

If you’re looking to make deeper connections with others or want to reconnect with yourself, this may be for you.

Happy reading x

Thank you to HarperCollins NZ for our gifted copy of the 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty.

Get your own copy here

Written by Monique Renee

Usually barefoot and deep in wanderlust mode, Mon loves binging Netflix, cuddling babies and stalking through Instagram looking for boho decor inspo and new books to read. You’ll usually find her on holiday, planning a holiday or thinking about holidays.

Favourite Instagram to follow: @the_female_lead


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