For too many women, thinking about their own desire for sex has them remembering a time when life was more about being social than working, they were well-rested, and great sex could happen any time – during daylight hours even!
What happens to a woman’s libido when ‘being an adult’ takes over? Often it takes a back seat to putting in extra hours at work and trying to get to the gym.
So how do you jump-start your libido when you’re a busy woman? Read our eight easy ways to get you back in the saddle!
Talk to your partner
Every expert on earth suggests you talk openly to your partner about sex – and it should be the easiest thing on this list to do. Except that it’s not. Too often women don’t talk about sex for all the reasons that they should – they feel differently about it but don’t want to upset their partner by expressing a lacking of interest. Too often, men confuse a lack of interest in sex for a lack of interest in them! But talking IS important and it’s a much better option than lying back and having duty-sex.
Keep your expectations low
Yes, it would be nice to imagine that every woman achieves the Big O every time she gets naked with her partner, but it just doesn’t happen. Tiredness and tension, along with being premenstrual can make orgasms difficult. Instead of getting tangled up in the whole ‘I have to have an orgasm or my partner will think he’s failed’ scenario, just relax and enjoy the physical closeness. Think of orgasms as that unexpected treat that comes along every so often.
Just do it
While we would never suggest having sex against your will, it can sometimes pay big dividends to jump into sex without over-thinking it. It’s not complicated really… and the more often you do have sex, the less of a big deal it becomes. Don’t load physical contact with your partner with the burdens of the day. Instead, clear your mind, breathe deeply and view sex like yoga or meditation – good for your head and good for your body.
Don’t compare your old body to the new
Rarely when comparing yourself with something or someone else, do you come out the winner. So save yourself the mind-games. Yes, most women’s bodies change as they age but you need to start accepting those quirky little additions before you can ever begin to feel attractive.
Invest in new undies
There’s a weird logic to why so many women hold on to the tattiest old underwear and it goes something like this… ‘If I buy nice new underwear and wear it, my partner will notice. And if he notices then he’ll think that I’m sending him a signal that I’m interested. But do I want to send that signal? Do I want him to think I’m interested when I’m not?’ So we hold onto the sad undies and save ourselves from sending confused signals. The one vital thing we miss, of course, is that by investing a little in something pretty and new, we are actually sending a signal to ourselves that WE are pretty and WE deserve to feel good, and hey! We might actually feel like sex! Strange but true.
Get skin on skin action
If you’ve been feeling defensive about having sex, chances are that you’ve been keeping all physical contact to a minimum so that it doesn’t lead to the bedroom. When your touching is reduced to a peck on the cheek as he goes out the door in the morning, it is easy forget how nice it is to be enveloped by bare skin. Skin on skin is one of life’s real pleasures so try to push the boundaries of your comfort zone a little to experience it. Yes, you may have to shed a little clothing but even a bare-armed bear hug (fully clothed!) is a wonderful and sensuous thing. Try it on for size.
The other F word – foreplay
When you’re tired after a long work day or that kick-boxing class, it can be tempting to press the fast forward button and jump to the main event so you can roll over and get some well-deserved sleep. But lingering over a little foreplay is worth the time and effort. Foreplay doesn’t have to require the ridiculous acrobatics that perhaps you once indulged in – think of it more as warm-up time (which is exactly what it is!) Your libido is much more likely to be heightened if you have taken the time to kiss and cuddle and snuggle before diving in.
Don’t use the tired defence
All women get tired – that’s a given. So stop yourself from using the ‘I’m tired’ excuse. Sure, it can be a valid excuse when you’ve been attached to your work computer or night or binge watching your new favourite obsession, but it cannot be your standard defence. If you are genuinely so tired that you cannot ever consider sex at the end of even a good day, the biggest gift you could give yourself and your partner is to talk to him about it. Either you are doing too much and need help, or you are generally run-down and could perhaps benefit from a check-up with your GP. Tiredness is libido-sapping so taking steps to improve this can only have positive results in the bedroom.
How do you get yourself in the mood for sex?
Written by Steph Graham
The girl you want by your side during any major life event, Steph is a decorating boss and a baking Queen. You’ll usually find her getting tipsy at a bottomless brunch, playing basketball and Insta-stalking the Hemsworth brothers.
Favourite 90s rap song: No Diggity by Blackstreet